Lack of Beer Makes You… Squirrel!!

This is Helen Williams. She sent her commonlaw hubby on a beer run after the stores were closed on Christmas eve, and he came back empty handed. Hungry and tired, he just wanted a sammich. That’s when Helen took out her rage on him for not having a time machine or something, and tried to kill him with a ceramic squirrel.

From NBC here:

Helen Ann Williams, 44, was held on a domestic abuse charge for stabbing her common-law husband with a decorative ceramic squirrel when he came home late on Christmas Eve without any beer.

She faces a hearing on a felony charge of domestic violence of a high and aggravated nature.

Williams’ 41-year-old husband set out to buy some beer late Tuesday night, but he returned home empty-handed because the stores were closed.

That enraged Williams, as her husband set about making himself a sandwich, picked up the ceramic squirrel and conked him over the head with it. Then she stabbed him in the chest with it.

The man fled to a neighbor’s home to call 911, and when officers arrived shortly after midnight — on Christmas Day by now — they found him covered in blood with cuts on his shoulder and face.

Pretty sure Helen’s beer of choice is Busch Lite. If Helen had been doing her job, that sandwich would have been on the counter waiting for him when he returned. And of course Helen must be nuttier than squirrel shit, which is apt, given this story.