Fat Black Pothead Sticks Up Bank With Spaghetti Sauce

Meet Ophelia Neal. She is fat, has a history of criminal activity including marijuana charges, and used food stamps to purchase two cans of spaghetti sauce that she hid in her bag to claim they were bombs to hold up a bank in Michigan. Oh, and she is 430 pounds, so her get-away was more like a waddle-away.

From FoxNews here:

Police have identified a 430-pound woman they say pretended two cans of spaghetti sauce were a bomb when she robbed a southeast Michigan bank. 53-year-old Ophelia A. Neal faces bank robbery and explosives charges in Saturday’s robbery at a Fifth Third Bank branch in Macomb County’s Clinton Township.

Police are hunting for the parole absconder. Neal is black, 5-foot-7 and has partially gray hair.
The state says she has fraud, assault and marijuana convictions.

Police say the robber told bank employees she had a bomb in her cloth bag and demanded money. They say she took an undisclosed amount of money and escaped in a car with a man at the wheel.

For you single ladies out there, even this fat waste of humanity can get a man! Not sure how well the explosives charges will stick given that it was just tomatoes and a can. Another news source said they had to call in a bomb squad to defuse the spaghetti sauce.