Free Obamacare for Manscaping Injuries

I had no idea that injuries for men due to nut-shaving accidents were at an all time high, or that it even counts as news. I guess to me, the big news is that someone would have the balls (pun intended) to go to the emergency room after gouging themselves in the sack with a pair of scissors because they suck at shaving.

From NBC here:

Whether it’s a DIY Brazilian wax or a botched attempt at “manscaping,” homegrown efforts to remove the hair down there are sending more people to emergency rooms, new research suggests.

Pubic hair grooming injuries jumped five-fold between 2002 and 2010, according to a recent analysis of ER visits by scientists at the University of California, San Francisco. The cringe-inducing reports increased most at the end of the time frame, with an estimated 2,500 grooming mishaps a year by 2010.

And those are just the cuts, burns, gashes, rashes and other unpleasant outcomes that required emergency medical attention.

Nearly 57 percent of the injuries logged in the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System database were in women, but 43 percent affected men.

Shaving razors were the culprit in 83 percent of the injuries, with cuts being most common result. Scissors were used in nearly 22 percent of injuries, and hot wax led to 1.4 percent of the harm.

The accounts of the reported injuries would make anyone squirm. Suffice it to say that the 17-year-old boy who picked up a razor after smoking marijuana now understands that that was a bad idea.

The mean age of those injured was nearly 31, the study found. But almost half of the injuries in women occurred in those aged 19 to 28 — with nearly 29 percent occurring in girls younger than 18. In men, the harm was more evenly distributed, with about 37 percent in those aged 19 to 28, and nearly 30 percent in those aged 29 to 45. Only 16 percent of injuries occurred in boys younger than 18.

Look fellas, the ballsack is probably more wrinkly than your brain. Trimming the hedges is okay, but only a moron would want to be baby smooth. Don’t get too close to the skin, and the best way to manage that is with a beard trimmer, with the guard on. If its too short, it itches constantly and no one wants to watch you scratch your nuts.

Additionally, did you know if you cut your sack and go to the ER that it gets reported to a freaking national database? And for those younger kids who think getting high and shaving your sack is a good idea, just remember to use plenty of aqua velva down there to cool the razor burn. And it smells good too. Do it, you’ll thank me.