Breeding Rituals of Fat Nerds

For hundreds of years now our human race has worked overtime to keep geeky, unpopular and funny-looking people from being able to effectively breed. However, now that “bullying,” a common social pack behavior that keeps outlying herd members aligned with pack norms, is on the decline, we are witnessing a new phenomena: Fat Nerds attempting to breed. Here is what some of this bizarre behavior looks like:

First, the nerd charming trinket- In this case, a Harley Davidson brass locket. In it is a plain silver ring with a blue sapphire. On the locket is inscribed something stupid that a children’s book author once wrote about spell-casting Wiccans who played a game on their brooms.

Next, you take that same children’s book about Devil Worship and Witchcraft and you carve out a hole to cram the Harley Davidson locket into it. In this instance, it is in the chapter when the villain makes a death-binding vow to murder someone, so to a nerd that might be cool.

And finally, this is how the female of the Fat Nerd couple rewards the thoughtfulness and overtures of romance to the potential mate, in this case, “Neckbeard the Gray.”

I would have shown the photo of the two being mauled by the talons of the forest owl, but that was just too gruesome.