CDC Denies Zombie Outbreak

The Center for Disease Control of the US Government now denies that the recent spate of deadly cannibal attacks are in fact zombies risen from the grave or recently infected from other zombie bites.

From the DailyMail here:

U.S. government says zombies are NOT real: Feds forced to deny existence of the undead after spate of bizarre flesh-munching attacks

Following several disturbing incidents involving cannibalism that have set the Internet aflutter with rumours of an impending ‘Zombie Apocalypse,’ the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has released a statement on Friday, saying that there is no cause to fear the walking dead.

‘CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms), agency spokesman David Daigle told the Huffington Post.

The CDC decided to weigh in on the zombie question in earnest following a vicious attack that happened in Miami on Saturday, when Rudy Eugene, aged 31, was shot and killed by police while devouring the face of a homeless man.

On Tuesday, Alexander Kinyua, a 21-year-old student from Maryland, admitted to murdering his roommate, Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie, and then eating his heart and parts of his brain.

Law enforcement officials are on the hunt for Luka Rocco Magnotta, a porn actor who killed and dismembered Jun Lin, a Chinese man believed to be his lover, and then raped and ate flesh from the corpse.

The recent instances of cannibalism have driven ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ up to the No. 2 spot on Google’s list of trending search terms

A man in Sweden who allegedly cut off and ate his wife’s lips, followed by a story out of New York where a man chewed the ear off another man at a Staten Island restaurant.

It also has been reported that in New Jersey, a man stabbed himself multiple times in front of police and then threw pieces of his skin and intestines at them.

Just remember. Be silent. Remove the head. And practice your cardio.