Today’s Tragic Earthquake

The earthquake that happened this afternoon, centered in Virginia, proved almost completely without injury or death. Well, except for a group of travelling Haitians who had constructed a mud hut behind a Safeway grocery store in Culpepper, Virginia.

The earthquake wiped out their wholly organic structure, killing three of the seven occupants, including a child of 8. Old mud, clay and other detritus used to build their primitive structure had collapsed and killed the trio.

Inside the Safeway store, several dozen yards away, a wine bottle had toppled off the shelf, shattering, causing a cleanup on ailse seven. More than one 30-something housewife had expressed their deepest sadness at the loss of a wonderful bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.

Meanwhile, the county morgue had come to retrieve the dead Haitians and offer county and state assistance to the survivors. The Haitian survivors, however, being too proud to accept help, chose instead to live in the encampment until they eventually cause an outbreak of cholera, after which they will die, in the tradition of their native customs.