Dick Clark Says What?

I watched Dick Clark get paraded onto the set where he gurgled and slurred the words on his cue cards until the ball dropped. At least he got the countdown right this year. About a minute in, he tries to eat some woman’s face and then berates Ryan Seacrest for being a pussy.

Last year he botched the countdown.

Dick Clark should go ahead and retire. Look, the only place they let you work with a microphone where you can’t talk is the Burger King drive thru up the road from my house.