Al Gore Demands You Rub His Wiener to Save the Planet

The Earth is doomed to massive flooding, starvation, riots in the streets due to Global Warming according to the Green Bishop of EcoReligion, Al Gore. And to keep him spreading his message of doom, he only wants one thing from us: To rub his wiener. Is that so much for a former Vice President to demand of his loyal leftist subjects? Just a little touch? Repeated 4 to 5 Hundred times? With maybe a little hand lotion with strawberry scent and maybe, just maybe, a candle or two for some mood lighting? And please, none of that new age music, Al Gore hates that shit, he likes some Abba music played softly? Is that too much to ask? Oh, and you have to shut the EFF up about it too. Seems like two more massage therapists forgot that last detail.

From the Enquirer here:

Police have investigated charges from TWO MORE WOMEN who claimed they were abused by former VP AL GORE!

The allegations come hot on the heels of an ongoing Portland, Ore., police investigation into accusations by a licensed massage therapist who says Gore groped her in 2006.

The first incident allegedly took place at a Beverly Hills luxury hotel when Gore, 62, was in Hollywood to attend the Oscars in 2007.

The second reportedly occurred a year later at a hotel in Tokyo.

A Beverly Hills hotel source told The ENQUIRER: “The therapist claimed that when they were alone, Gore shrugged off a towel and stood naked in front of her. He pointed at his erect penis and ordered her, ‘Take care of THIS.‘”

If you don’t touch Al Gore’s wiener the polar bears are gonna die. Don’t be selfish. Touch it.

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