Tried to Make Me Got to Rehab and I Said “Oook Oook Oook!”

Zhora the chimp who lives at a zoo in Russia is completely out of control. As such, he has been sent to rehab.

From MSNBC here:

A Russian chimpanzee has been sent to rehab by zookeepers to cure the smoking and beer-drinking habits he has picked up.

An ex-performer, Zhora became aggressive at his circus and was transferred to a zoo in the southern Russian city of Rostov, where he fathered several baby chimps, learned to draw with markers and picked up his two vices.

“The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze,” the Komsomolskaya Pravda paper said.

It added he has now been transferred to the city of Kazan, about 500 miles east of Moscow, for rehabilitation treatment.

Hmm. I’d really like to know how they will convince the chimp that there is a higher power. And how will the chimp make amends to all of the people that his disgusting habits have offended? And if he gets out of rehab, will he sponsor other chimp addicts too?

Being a huge Dr. Drew fan, I understand that addiction is often caused by young monkeyhood trauma, and I guess being captured and forced to work at a circus would do it. Or maybe all those damn chimp kids drove him to drink? How do you take a beer bottle from a drunk chimp? Won’t he rip your friggin’ face off?

I’m confident that the chimp will come out of rehab a better monkey. After all, if Rodney King could sober up, then any primate can.