Parasites Make for Funny Stories

Or maybe not. Neatorama pointed me to this story by Vince Eaton where he explains in agonizing, wincing detail, how he was afflicted by a tapeworm and how he managed to kill the thing.

From the Worm Within here:

About an hour later, I felt something move, squirm, within me. I sat very still, as though listening to echoes in a canyon. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. There it was again!

There was a shifting inside my guts. Then there was a more sudden, thrashing movement. And that’s when I realized my tapeworm was going through its death throes. It squirmed and twisted, spasming – and why didn’t the doctor tell me about this part, the bastard? My guts cramped and churned. This went on for five, ten minutes, until, just as suddenly, it subsided. It was over. My tapeworm was at peace.

I celebrated by going to lunch at a restaurant and ordering a large mixed salad, something inert that had never breathed or mooed or snorted or had a face.

Be sure to read the whole thing.  It has a happy ending of sorts.  Also, Vince invites his readers to share stories of their own encounters with parasites.  Lovely stories such as this one:

I remember insane itching around the anal region and going to the toilet just to sit and scratch my suffering ass, feeling nauseated every time I took the toilet paper away to reveal horrible wiggly white worms. I was cured by a “raspberry flavoured” potion of some description which is probably the nastiest thing I have ever tasted.

Ten years or so later probably for reasons I couldn’t fathom I became re-infested. Once again I suffered the nightly clawing at my backside, only this time the disgusting little buggers seemed to be producing some slime or lubricant which would ooze from my ass when I farted. Not nice.