Requiem for Socks

Socks the Cat, the former pet of President and Mrs. Clinton, was found dead today in an alley behind a crack house.  Years of substance abuse and backalley sexual favors finally took its toll on the small feline, who for a moment in 1993, was the most famous cat in the World.

Sock’s sad demise, coupled with the apparent suicide of Buddy, the Clinton’s Black Labrador Retriever, who threw himself under a moving car in 2002, raise serious questions about the ability of the former President and First lady to properly care for an animal. Other pet mishaps have been reported in the past. In 1997, after a long trip abroad, then President Clinton returned to the White House to find his aquarium of Angelfish powered off, with his fish floating on top belly up. This was blamed on inattentive White House Staff. President Clinton claimed that Mrs. Clinton “went nuts” and “fired a few employees.” Finally, upon learning of Sock’s demise, the former President was quoted, “I guess I need to go find a parakeet and watch Hillary starve it.”