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Reason 949 to HomeSchool: Cross-Eyed Social Studies Teacher Won’t Bang Your Daughter in Her Car

Meet Melissa Koehn. She was busted by the cops in Minnesota dry humping one of her students in her car. Its not what you would expect from a social studies teacher and girls’ basketball coach at a Christian private school, unless you are a regular reader of this blog, in which case, this doesn’t surprise you a bit.

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The video is added mostly for the lulz because this thread is now epic.

From the Weekly Vice here:

Melissa Diana Koehn, a 30-year-old teacher and coach at St. Croix Lutheran High School in West St. Paul, Minnesota has been arrested on felony sex charges of 4th-degree criminal sexual conduct after a police officer discovered her making out with a 17-year-old female student in a ‘fully reclined’ position inside a parked vehicle.

Koehn and the student each admitted to having sexual contact, beginning in August, 2008. The relationship then continued, leading to multiple instances of sexual contact between Koehn and the student.

The student’s parents admitted to authorities that the teacher had slept in their daughter’s room on a number of occasions, but believed Koehn slept on the floor. They told authorities they were unaware of any sexual activity that had occurred.

What the hell is wrong with the parents of the student?  Never let anyone, much less a teacher share a bedroom with your kids.  The parents should have all of their kids put in a foster home because they are too stupid to be allowed to raise kids.

According to a Google search of the school’s website, this picture shows a group of kids who went to the Dominican Republic on a field trip.  I don’t know if any of the girls in the photo are the victim in this case, but if the victim was indeed taken out of the country for the purposes of sex, more charges should be filed.

After all, the best way to get the school to pay for a romantic getaway for a perverted teacher and her sexcrime victim would be to have the girl take her Social Studies class.  Oh sure, the official cover was that they were going to the Dominican Republic to teach Vacation Bible School and do a “mission outreach.”  But instead of teaching bible verses, Koehn was busy seducing her student.

Dr. Jones

Do not talk about fight club. Oops.

105 thoughts on “Reason 949 to HomeSchool: Cross-Eyed Social Studies Teacher Won’t Bang Your Daughter in Her Car

  • superstarem

    I am not condoning what Melissa did, but I’m going to clear up the lies in this article. Melissa Koehn was not a spanish teacher. The school did not pay for the trip, either. They payed for their own way. None of the girls in this picture were victims and while on this trip we did teach vacation Bible school.

  • Superstarem,
    Thanks for clearing up some errors. So she didn’t teach Spanish, but I know she taught one girl “French.”

    According to the newsletter, this trip was a school santioned event. If students contributed partial funds, it makes little difference.

    I gather from your comment you know the victim. Don’t you wonder how many other children she was trying to seduce?

  • superstarem

    The victim was not on this trip. There were no victims on this trip.

    The students contributed all the funds, so the school did not pay for her “perverted” trip.

    Also I don’t see how this trip has an relevance to what happened, and I think it’s unfair of you to lump these two things together.

  • Well, what is more unfair? My comments? Or a child molester using her job as a teacher to get close to kids? Or this child molester who is supposed to be a Christian fooling the trusting, church going parents of the victim into letting her stay in the home under the ruse of being homeless?

  • superstarem

    I agree that it’s very unfair of her to do what she did. She should have known better.

    I don’t think that they thought she was homeless. They knew she lived in Wisconsin, so she didn’t have a place to stay in the cities. There are other factors that you have to consider when they let her stay over. The victim and her were very good friends. Ms. Koehn was probably the most trusted teacher and the most well-liked. So if you were a parents, how are you supposed to know anything was wrong when everyone had such high praise for her?

    I guess the real problem I have with this story is the end where you say “Oh sure, the official cover was that they were going to the Dominican Republic to teach Vacation Bible School and do a “mission outreach.” But instead of teaching bible verses, Koehn was busy seducing her student.” You weren’t there, so you have no idea what happened. You have no idea how hard we worked down there. I think it’s horrible of you to downplay our hard work by smashing it with lies about how she was seducing students or how
    she wasn’t teaching. We all worked hard including her. So yes, she made a big mistake that will cost her years from now, and I’m horribly disappointed in her, but leave the Dominican Trip out of this.

  • oreo_13

    i agree w/ superstarem, the dominican trip had nothing to do with that incident.. you weren’t there, we were.. and she did work hard to teach and help our vacation bible school.. and it was a great success

  • fischman

    even according to all of the news articles we dont know what happened… all that was reported was sexual contact and kissing. ive talked with the victim and i know the guilty party so if youre going to be so blind as to think that she spent four years in college to become a teacher just to rape students then you are truly reading this story incorrectly. As a post student of ms koehn i know she loved teaching and loved helping us learn, she worked so hard and was an remains to be a good person. she used her job as a teacher to mentor us and help us grow it wasn’t until after she left the school did the incident occur. i’m extremly offended at the things youve said, she didnt go around attempting to get into the pants of her students. this was an incident where satan tempted her and she faltered. in earthly terms this is horrific but in GODs eyes is it just as bad as a little insignificant white lie. if you are not christian i am sorry for you and understand that the above sentences may not make sense. But i pray that you may someday see that there is a God who made everything in seven days and that he loves you.

  • moviestar500

    i agree with superstarem also u wern’t there and have no right to trash all the people involved on that trip. i’d appreciate u putting in a little more time and research before u jump to conclusions about what happened.

  • Moviestar,

    By pointing out that your sex offender teacher may have used the trip to groom her next victim is in no way “trashing” the other students on the trip.

    And Fischman,
    Don’t you dare go and try to protect the sex offender by excusing her behavior. And please don’t try to blame it on “Satan.” Koehn absolutely “went around attempting to get into the pants of her students,” She planned to molest this child, worked out a way to make it happen, then she molested her, and then she kept on doing it. She wasn’t sorry she did it, either.

    Don’t bother trying to explain to me the degrees of sin in God’s eyes. That’s an attempt on your part to nullify the crimes committed by this teacher. Jesus also talked about “if the right hand makes an offense, cast it off. Better to go without a hand than for the whole body to burn in hell.” I know he was talking about expelling members of the church who committed heinous sins. So rather than protecting and embracing this predator, you would do better to expunge her from your circle.

  • fischman

    There are no degrees of sin… This entire article is an attempt on your part to overexaggerate the crimes committed by this teacher. I have no reason to argue that she should not be punished and yes what she did was wrong, but you saying that she plotted this is a complete and utter bias on your part. Funny thing about christians though is we are willing to forgive. So expunging her, while she is repenting, would not help her and defeat a purpose of our faith. I know she regrets her mistakes seeing that the rest of her life is going to be haunted by this incident. How in the blue blazes do you know what she thinks? how do you know she wasn’t sorry? Just like alot of the media today youve taken the information that was given twisted ten fold and made it exciting to read and gasp at. So in the future please dont run around blindly pointing at wrongdoings when there are four other fingers pointing right back at you.

  • fischman

    also the term “victim” in this case is simply a way to name the offended. She did this according to her will. she didn’t say no. Which is sad to say.

  • superstarem

    I agree with fischman. How you do know that the “victim” wasn’t the one who started it all. Yes, Ms. Koehn should have stopped it, but you have no idea who actually started the whole thing.

    In a way you ARE trashing the students on this trip. Have you even read your last paragraph? You’re saying that just because Ms. Koehn was on this trip, it doesn’t count and we didn’t do our job. You need to stop thinking that she was looking for her next victim all over the place. Your last paragraph is the worst piece of writing ever. I can’t even believe that you would go search out this picture so you can post it on this website and by association bash those involved.

  • Don’t go blaming the victim. One is a child, ineligible to vote or enter into a contract, and by legal definition, unable to make big decisions. The other is a legal adult who had the responsibility to act like one. Your teacher could have waited a year before having oral sex with your friend. Then it would have at least been an act between two adults.

    And as to what she was thinking, well, child predators prey on children. Its a process. Naked kids don’t fall out of the sky into the laps of a child molester. Child molesters have to work to make it happen.

    When you grow up and stop being so angry at your teacher about this you will understand.

  • fischman

    dont diminish the victim in the mn where the offense occured it wouldve been legal if the ms koehn hadn’t been a teacher. yes the adult should of done better and acted more mature but the student is more mature than many adults who have the ability to vote and enter a contract! look at the economy it looks like alot of bad choices to me. none of us have said we are angry at our teacher! yeah it sucks and all but no one is angry except for you. also the molester didn’t have the goal of sexual contact with her student and hadn’t had the thought until that first fateful night in august. this was a one time incident. Ms. koehn is not a child predator she doesn’t slink about looking for girls to have sex with. Honestly you should understand that things in life are not so black and white.

  • superstarem

    Yeah who ever said we were angry at her. And don’t tell us to grow up. You don’t even know how old we are.
    Basically I’m sick of arguing with you over something we know more about than you.
    What she did was wrong, we all agree with that.So let’s just leave it at that.
    This never would have started if you would have left the Dominican Trip out of this.

  • Superstarem, don’t play coy. In your very first post you said:

    while on this trip we did teach vacation Bible school

    So that would mean you are either a teacher or a student. The number of students outnumbered teachers on this trip by 10 to 1, so odds are you are a student. And a teacher would know better than to leave a public comment on this issue.

    So yeah. You are most likely at most, 18, and you are immature and don’t know shit from shinola. You aren’t angry at her? She dry-humped one of your classmates and made it look like your trip to the DR was a sex pleasure cruise. Its not my fault for pointing these things out. It is Koehn’s fault for being a horny kid toucher.

  • Hey, I got an email about this post. Here it is:

    From: jjslotr@aol.com [mailto:jjslotr@aol.com]
    Sent: Tuesday, December 30, 2008 5:56 PM
    To: pat@belch.com
    Subject:

    http://www.belch.com/blog/2008/12/26/reason-949-to-homeschool-cross-eyed-spanish-teacher-wont-bang-your-daughter-in-her-car/

    I would like to ask that you remove the photo and students names in this article. Noone on the trip was involved in anything and it isn’t fair to anyone in that photo to say that she was using the trip to seduce those students. The incident didn’t happen until several months later when she started having problems. I would really appreciate if you remove the photo and names since none of these students had anything to do with it and you are implying that they did. Thank you for your time.

  • And here is my response:

    Dear JJSLOTR,

    The school published this photograph, which was taken in public and posted on a public website for all to see. The captions included which list first initials and last names were merely a screenshot of what was originally published online. As of this writing the photo and newsletter are still available here.

    The newsletter is dated July 2008, just a week or two prior to the beginning of a sexual relationship between Koehn and one of her students- a relationship that both participants confessed to in front of law enforcement officers.

    Your claim that the photo was taken several months prior to Koehn “having problems” just doesn’t bear up to the facts.

    I still say that Koehn may have used this trip as a way to groom other sex abuse victims, but I acknowledge your claim that none of these pictured students were sex crime victims.

    But the post stays up.

  • fischman

    kk yes the facts do bear up pal… trip was in july first incident was in august and honestly you cant call your theories facts! Thats a problem with alot of the world today, so dont go accusing people of things just cause you think itll increase the amount of readers you have.I still say youre an unknowlegable fool. Dates of photos taken and dates of their being posted online can be years apart! just because something was posted on a certain date didn’t mean it happened specifically then. Honestly i dont know what your problem is. From what ive read in this post and other stories youve posted you seem to be a very angry person… I’m sorry about that. That still doesn’t give you a reason to come up with these insane accusations of a teacher planning for months to take kids on a vacation bible school trip to a foriegn country just to feel them up. She had to have been more worried about our safety and keeping us safe from the theives and other threats while in the 3rd world parts of the country. Maybe some common sense would be in order.

  • bichonlova

    O wait, what? And where are you? Washington DC? You’re right. You would know a whole lot more than someone who who experienced it all and was there. Gosh, I had no idea that someone could know all that from such a long distance. You must have spies everywhere cause you sure know everything.

  • livinlarge

    You seem to be having a little trouble here, so I’ll try to clear things up for you. The “victim” was 17. She’s not a legal adult, but she sure as hell wasn’t clueless. What Melissa did was very, very wrong, but it isn’t like the “victim” is some innocent girl who Melissa ensnared into her vile ring of molestation. It was consensual, and the “victim” can have legal consensual sex in the state of Minnesota at the age of 17.

    While I have no idea what went on in her little trip to the Dominican, neither do you. There is only evidence to her having sexual contact with a single student, and no proof towards any contact with anyone else. No students have come forward, none of her fellow teachers have said anything.

    I realize you probably don’t know shit from shinola, and embellishing the facts always makes for a good story, but check to make sure everything you say is true next time.

  • notablogger

    Hi Pat. This is the first I’ve read your blog, but based on this post alone, it appears that you’re a graduate of the Nancy Grace School of Journalism.

    I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you mean well by assuming the role of truth police and posting this story. What this teacher did was wrong, whether the student consented or not, and these kinds of improper relationships need to be exposed.

    But then you make a statement like this one:
    “She dry-humped one of your classmates and made it look like your trip to the DR was a sex pleasure cruise. Its not my fault for pointing these things out.”

    How exactly, did she make the DR trip a sex pleasure cruise? Those that were on the trip clearly stated that the victim wasn’t on the trip and that the teacher did nothing wrong on the trip. Posting that photo and making those accusations is irresponsible and you know it. I’d also call it unprofessional, but then again, you’re a blogger. I’ve learned now that you folks need to be held to lesser set of standards.

  • Nota,
    You pull out a quote from me and then fail at reading comprehension for that same quote. Did you miss the part that said, “made it look like”?

    I never said she made the DR trip a pleasure cruise. I said he made it look like that to others because of her behavior and motives.

    A child molesting woman who travels transnationally in the company of children days prior to being arrested on child molestation charges deserves to have her movements scrutinized.

    As to what so-called students or teachers, parents and others who claim familiarity with this case have claimed on this blog, there is no way to authenticate anyone as to their identity. Anyone can say “nothing happened.” And they might be right.

    But it doesn’t change my opinion that she may have been grooming other children. Because that’s what child molesters do.

  • notablogger

    OK – my mistake. I forgot the words “made it look like” in my question. Now that we got my question squared away, let’s look at part of your answer:

    “A child molesting woman who travels transnationally in the company of children days prior to being arrested on child molestation charges deserves to have her movements scrutinized.”

    That might be a valid statement if it weren’t for the fact that this trip occurred SIX MONTHS before she was arrested and at least ONE MONTH before the criminal complaint alleges the improper relationship began.

    Aside from that, I’m surprised that your Internet sleuthing didn’t turn up the name and photo of the victim on a blog devoted to the investigation (I won’t reprint it here). If I were you, I would have done a little more legwork to verify that your accusations had even the slightest bit of credence before posting the photo that you found. The victim isn’t in that photo and the people who were there told you that she wasn’t even on the trip. To a real journalist, that’s the sign that this road is a dead-end. Instead, you continue to speculate and defiantly refuse to concede that the photo has no relevance to this story, upsetting a lot of innocent people in the process.

    Which brings me to my ultimate point: The only thing your “reporting” has done is sensationalize this story even further without merit. If that’s your intent, then bravo. If not, then I suggest you take a journalism class and a few years of ethics to boot.

  • fischman

    Dont tell Nota that their comprehension is faulty!!! Your creative interpretation of this story is at least a hundred times worse than their paraphrasing.

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