Florida Man Turns Jailbait Into Cougar Bait

A.J. Zitnick is a 21-year-old idiot who has a 16-year-old jailbait girlfriend. When A.J. isn’t barely avoiding statutory rape charges, he is feeding his underage girlfriends to Mountain Lions. In Florida, the state where anything is possible.

From WSVN here:

Miami-Dade police and Fire Rescue transported a teenager to the hospital with lacerations to her head after being attacked by a cougar Saturday.

Witnesses said a 16-year-old girl and her 21-year-old boyfriend were in the backyard of the house. For unknown reasons, she entered an enclosed area where the cat is kept and it pounced on the girl.

Richard Morales, the next door neighbor, rescued the girl from the cat. “I heard a girl screaming for her life, ‘Somebody please help me! I’m dying! I’m dying.’ I jumped the fence and got to the back of the house where the girl was literally in the mouth of the cougar.”

21 year old A.J. Zitnick went onto the property without permission. Police arrested Zitnick on the scene and charged him with burglary.

Thanks to Ed from RightRant who said, “What ever happend to the good old days when being old enough to buy booze was good enough to impress a 16 year old?”

I can see the girl’s next Myspace entry now:  First, we like, climbed this huge fence, ok?  Then I was like, OMG, that’s a big cat, and he was like, get in, and I was like, no way, so he was like, totally!  I got in, and the cat was like NOM, and I was like, OMG, WTF!!!1  then AJ like ran away, and like, my head was like OW!  But its ok, he has a hot car.