Dumbass Coworkers

Im on the distro list at PlxxxCo for lost or stolen corporate assets. Not a day goes by that I don’t get an email from someone complaining that he was a victim of a strongarm robbery and his laptop was stolen. Usually the idiots leave their laptops in their car while drinking at the pub and then act shocked that it gets swiped.

But this email so far took the cake.

I need to report a missing laptop. I don’t believe it was stolen, I think it was left on the top of my car before I got on a freeway. My manager and Sr. Director have been informed. Please let me know what forms I need to fill out and if there are any other actions for me.

I erased my response to the dolt, because I like to collect paychecks. But before I leaned on the backspace key it said,

Seriously? Left it on the car? Your replacement laptop will come equipped with doubleback tape so it can adhere to any surface not recommended for computing such as sides of buildings, the undersides of shelves, and the rooftops of vehicles. Let us know if you plan to work underwater or in a sandbox so we can include our plastic bubble protective case.