Stephen Hawking Says There Are No Aliens

Again, another giant Bronx Cheer to my 8th grade classmates who were all douchebags for sneering at my research that there was no such thing as Aliens from other worlds. Now stephen Hawking, arguably the most brilliant man alive, agrees with me. He said, during a speech at GWU, Alien life doesn’t exist and my classmates were douchebags. I feel vindicated. Thanks, Stephen.

From the AP here:

Famed astrophysicist Stephen Hawking has been thinking a lot about the cosmic question, “Are we alone?” The answer is probably not, he says.

If there is life elsewhere in the universe, Hawking asks why haven’t we stumbled onto some alien broadcasts in space, maybe something like “alien quiz shows?”

Hawking’s comments were part of a lecture at George Washington University on Monday in honor of NASA’s 50th anniversary. He theorized that there are possible answers to whether there is extraterrestrial life.

One option is that there likely isn’t life elsewhere. Or maybe there is intelligent life elsewhere, but when it gets smart enough to send signals into space, it also is smart enough to make destructive nuclear weapons.

Hawking said he prefers the third option: “Primitive life is very common and intelligent life is fairly rare,” he then quickly added: “Some would say it has yet to occur on earth.”

So should you worry about aliens? Alien abduction claims come from “weirdos” and are unlikely.