UK Woman Proves Any Moron Can Predict the Future

Jemima Packington don’t practice Santeria and ain’t got no crystal ball. No tarot cards. No palm reading and no phlebotomy. No chicken bones, and no tea leaves. Jemima predicts the future by tossing asparagus in the air and when they land, she interprets its mystic positions.

From the BBC News here:

A Worcestershire woman has been trying out her tips for predicting the future – using asparagus. Jemima Packington describes herself as the only “asparamancer” in the UK and makes her predictions from the way the stalks fall on the floor.

She said she started her fortune telling “quite by chance” some years ago after some stalks fell on her floor and she made a prediction which came true.

“I can’t even remember what prediction I made when I was young but my family went very quiet and it came true and the rest is history,” she told BBC News.

“Two spears facing away from you means what you get out of life you have to work for.”

And from the Metro here:

She says she can work only with British fare, adding: ‘Foreign asparagus never works as well.’

Ms Packington, from Pershore, Worcestershire, made her first accurate prediction aged nine with some tips dropped from the table at lunchtime.

‘I don’t see it as strange or different,’ she said. ‘But some people think I’m crazy.’

Oddly, most of her predictions are about stinky pee. Seriously, her method is about as accurate as any other psychic, seer or teller, that is, equally stupid.