Man Lops Off Hand and Cooked it in Microwave

Well, what else is there to do if you think the Mark of the Beast was on your hand?

On my microwave, the setting for “Severed Hand” is just below the Popcorn button.

This grisly story is courtesy of Hayden, Idaho, and SpokesmanReview here:

A Hayden man cut off his hand with a circular saw Saturday and put it in the microwave, allegedly to rid his body of the mark of the beast and escape the wrath of God.

“It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived,” said Kootenai County sheriff’s Capt. Ben Wolfinger. “He put a tourniquet on his arm before so he didn’t bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad.”

The man, in his mid-20s, called 911 about 1:30 p.m. Wolfinger said the man was calm when deputies arrived.

The man – and his severed hand that didn’t have any visible tattoo or mark – were both taken by ambulance to Kootenai Medical Center. He was placed in protective custody in the mental health unit.

It’s unknown if surgeons attempted to reattach the hand.

Ooooh. There went half this guy’s sex life.

People have remarked how this man was off his rocker. Seems to me he did this in a calm, calculated manner. Not like this muslim dude I wrote about here who jumped across the butchers counter, hacked his hand off with a meat saw and then ran around the parking lot with a bleeding stump shouting “I’m not a terrorist!”

I think the guy will be okay though. Truth be told, I suspect this is what really happened to Luke Skywalker. That whole “Darth Vader” death star nonsense sounded like a load of crap.

“Noooooooo!!!”

Thanks to Fark for the image above and to Kelly for the story suggestion.