What Dr. Phil Told Britney

Operatives for Belch.Com were on hand at Cedars-Sinai and were able to overhear the conversation between Dr. Phil McGraw and Britney Spears after her infamous meltdown over losing custody of her children.

Dr. Phil told Britney:

• You don’t need to flunk out of school to whistle while you work.
• You don’t need an asthma attack to disgrace your family.
• You don’t need Shemp to grab ’em in the biscuits.
• You don’t need to rob a bank to WEEWEEWEE all the way home.
• You don’t need a leisurely demeanor to jerk off in a karaoke bar.
• You don’t need a badger to make a delicious fondue.
• You don’t need to call the media in advance to drop and give me twenty.
• You don’t need anyone or anything to run out into traffic.
• You don’t need Eminem to rock me like a hurricane.
• You don’t need clam chowder to skin a gopher.
• You don’t need a feeble grandma to act real sassy-like.

Oddly enough after comments like that, medical personnel considered putting Dr. Phil under mental evaluation too. Britney shaved her head again in response.

You know you are at the “nexus of surreal®” when Dr. Phil shows up to make you quit smoking the “crazy bong.” Thanks to the Dr. Phil quote generator for the list above.