I Told You Bastards There Are No UFO’s
That headline is for my 8th grade English class who laughed, yes laughed at me when I presented a research paper I spent two weeks on to show that there were no such things as UFO’s.
Before the Internet you had to do research the old-fashioned way- in libraries- using Index cards and the whole Dewey-Decimal system to find a book, magazine, and often, an empty slot where a book should be. But I looked at UFO books, and read science articles, and became convinced after reading a book on mathematics and probability that aliens just weren’t ever coming to our planet for a visit.
Given the huge odds, it was so unlikely that alien life would evolve on a planet, become sentient, develop advanced science, develop interstellar travel, crack the whole faster than light travel, and then come to see us, by the thousands, given the reported numbers of the day- according to the laws of probability, it just would never happen. And even if aliens did manage to violate the laws of physics and probability, why then would they only appear to hippies, pyramid worshipers, practitioners of eastern philosophy and meditation, or heavy drug users, hobos and bums?
Yeah, the other kids all laughed at me the bastards. They were each convinced that life from other worlds were intensely interested in us. So far, I’m still right and they are all still bastards because science has vindicated me. Today we have the Internet, billions of digital cameras, the Search for Extra Terrestrial Life and other similar projects, and no one can yet come up with any shred of evidence of life on another planet. Bupkis. You think the Maytag repairman has a lonely job? Try being the researcher listening for radio space waves at SETI.
So what happened to all those douchebags out there that were true believers in UFOlogy and visitors from other worlds? Those dolts that appeared on TV by the thousands saying they were abducted by aliens or had implants inserted under their skin? They are still out there, but they must be deeply ashamed for having voiced such stupid beliefs, especially when they knew they were lying. You hear me, Steven Spielberg?
Now the tables are turning. Now people that publicly say that they believe in or fear UFO’s are mocked in the media and by the citizens. Dennis Kucinich, running for President said he saw a UFO at Shirley MacLaine’s house. Everyone laughed at him. Some idiot democrat in Japan wants an official government statement on what Japan is doing about UFO’s. How was he treated?
From Reuters here:
“[UFO’s] is an issue that the nation is interested in — it is a defense issue and a confirmation operation needs to take place,” Ryuji Yamane, a lawmaker from the main opposition Democratic Party who submitted the question to the cabinet, told Reuters.
The comment by chief cabinet secretary Nobutaka Machimura drew laughter from reporters at his regular briefing on government policy. “Personally, I definitely believe they exist,” he said, apparently tongue in cheek.
But the prime minister stuck to the official view.
“I have yet to confirm (that UFOs exist),” Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda told reporters later in the day.
Yep, the people who believe in ET’s are loons. And mark my words: Twenty years from now all those people who were passionate about Global Warming being caused by man are going to be viewed with the same disdain. And I hope they feel the same inner shame that those of you who used to believe in UFO’s (you know who you are!) still feel whenever some kook claims he saw a flying saucer.
And that research paper? I got a C. Proves what teachers know.
Do you have that paper? I wanna read it.
I totally believe in other life than us. Am I banished from your blog?
I don’t have much of anything left from my school days. I have some college work and some Kindergarten drawings and stuff, which come to think of it, were the only years I enjoyed myself at school. Hmmm…
You can believe in other life, Poppy, I won’t ban you. Just bear in mind that no one will find proof of life out there, and that means that puts you on par with people that believe smurfs and carebears are real too.
I guess someday someone will bio-engineer a carebear but the stars will still be very silent.
Of course the stars are silent, they’re too hot for life.
I believe in smurfs and carebears.
I also believe we’ll go silent soon enough as well, and then the universe will return to being happily quiet.
(Assuming you’re right about us being the only life.)
Until there is evidence to the contrary, we are the only life. I still think its important for NASA to explore and search for other signs of life out there, but it is more likely they will find nothing.
And you are right about the CareBears. There is a place where they exist:
I PITY THE FOOL!!!!
what statistics book did you read that talked about the potential for alien life?
It was a probability study on the odds of a single dna pair naturally evolving from base chemicals given the right planet, the right enviornment, the right energy input, etc.
That it happened once, here, is so beyond the probability of its occurence that it would be mathematically impossible for it to have happened twice. Compound that with the odds that a dna strand would evolve into a sentient species that could develop technology that violates the laws of physics and relativity to power a vehicle to get to this one planet in the galaxy, and the odds are almost incalculable.
And reports of several distinct alien species therefore becomes absurd.
Life will be on other planets when we put it there.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rare_Earth_hypothesis
Yeah, that is pretty cool. Seems like lotsa people way smarter than me have been working on this for a while.
Here’s where my mind goes…
Let’s say this is the case. What about the idea that we were put here by more sentient beings than ourselves (not a god/gods) and we “naturally” developed out sentience/intelligence during out evolution?
Ok, no evidence to support it, but it’s just really weird that we’re the only ones anywhere and we can’t flipping figure out how to explore the universe.
*out=our – both times!
Clearly, some of us are more evolved than others. (dur.)
I’m not saying anything about creationism or even intelligent design. The leading theories of the day still lean toward evolution. It is just mathematically improbable that it would happen twice.
As far as exploring the universe? I’d settle for exploring our own solar system first. And any meaningful work into interstellar exploration must really incorporate some type of faster than light travel, which Einstein says is impossible. So you have that whole “cannot break the laws of physics” thing to get around.
In case I wasn’t clear, which I never am: I’m saying sentient beings, more sentient than we, drove us from their planet to Earth, dropped us off, and waited to see what would happen with us.
No gods, no creationism, we’re just another species to them but they saw potential for us to evolve our sentientiousness. 🙂
NO, I AM NOT A SCIENTOLOGIST, I DIDN’T DRINK ANY KOOL-AID, AND I DON’T KNOW TOM CRUISE. 🙂
I’m just sayin’. I really hope someone else is more advanced than we are.
That sounds like the whole “Chariot of the Gods” argument from back in the late 70’s. Again, someone would have had to find a way to break the FTL barrier to deposit us here.
Does it scare you to think that we may be the biggest brains in the galaxy?
Given our current state of brain, it’s very disappointing. I just hope we develop into much smarter beings. As in, more than 10% usage of our brains.