Death to the Little Lime Dude

A hilarious war is going on in Bethesda, MD, a neighborhood full of rich liberal suburbanites.  Despite the fact that the speed limit is obeyed and there have been no injuries, some families are putting little green plastic patrolmen out on the streets to try to get people to go as slowly as possible-  less than 10 MPH so no one runs over their precious children.

Sensible people, miffed at being preached to about their speed, have taken to destroying the annoying plastic props.  Is it a hate crime if you burn a little plastic man?

From Gazette.net here:

Violent attacks and kidnappings have shaken up a quiet Bethesda neighborhood tucked just a few tree-lined streets away from River Road.

The victims are child-sized green and yellow plastic figures resembling gingerbread men, with the word ‘‘SLOW” plastered across their midsections.  In English Village and Landon Village, where dozens of children play and walk to the bus stop, parents have posted the so-called ‘‘little lime dudes” on their front lawns, to encourage speeding drivers to slow down.

But something sinister is at work, as the little men are being stolen and maimed — even in broad daylight.  The Doueks bought their first ‘‘little lime dude,” three months ago. It was promptly stolen.

The family persevered, heading back to Strosniders Hardware Store to buy another LLD. The second little man’s fate was much more gruesome.  Before the sun rose on his third day in the Doueks’ front yard, the lime dude’s flag had been stolen. So father Danny Douek fashioned a new one out of a plastic dowel. He slathered the little lime dude with Vaseline and filled him with 18 pounds of cement. But late one night, someone drove a car onto the Douek’s lawn, leaving skid marks on the road, Beth Douek said. The car slammed into the lime dude and dragged him down the road.

‘‘Someone came with a saw and beheaded him,” Douek said.

Parents in these unincorporated Bethesda communities began posting the plastic figures in an effort to calm speeding, as one of many initiatives. In the morning they wait at the school bus stop with their children and distribute fliers with warnings like, ‘‘You can kill a child at 10 miles per hour.” Other Bethesda residents waited at stop signs and handed drivers cookies as a thank you for stopping.

I hate those little annoying plastic guys too.  My brother’s stuck-up neighbor used to put one out in front of their mansion and even took to yelling at me if I didn’t obey their miniature speed limit zone.  So I took to yelling back to explain that roads were for cars and to keep her brats in the house or the yard.  Thankfully they moved.

To those neighbors in Bethesda who are annoyed with the self-righteous safety patrol moms-  Start passing out flyers showing how to keep kids in the yard.  And get your own little lime dude and change the warning on it to “stay out of the road!” and put it in those neighbors’ yards.  If they still don’t get the picture, try fresh honey on their doorsteps.  The Moms will be too busy washing sticky footprints off the floors and carpets to keep out the ants to pass out any more flyers.