Employee Recognition

I really like to stay “under the radar” as much as possible at work.  The less interaction I have with all of my fellow employees, the happier I tend to be.  Seriously, all I need is a cardboard box and an internet connection and I’m fine. 

Which, given that about me, I have no idea why, in retrospect, I told anyone that I once had training in CPR.  An email went around the office asking, in the guise of a “survey,” how many employees were trained in CPR.  Lots of these types of surveys go around for one reason or another, and since my company likes to be mentioned in magazines about being a super-healthy company to work for, or one of the nicest, or the most progressive because they allow gay roommates to share healthcare, or whatever else the company wants to brand itself this month- I figured that was why the company needed to know if I was trained in CPR. 

So I wrote back an email that yes, I was trained.

Today I got this.  Framed behind glass on simulated marble stone. 

I am supposed to hang this outside my office door.  Which adjoins the employee breakroom for my building’s floor.

So apparantly I’m supposed to be the one people run to come get when someone keels over in their cube.  And I don’t like my coworkers that much to begin with. 

Any mouth-to-mouth I give will amount to me bending over them and yelling “Get off the floor before you freaking Die!”