Brilliant Lawyer Employs “You Don’t Know Me” Defense

Until yesterday, it seemed that Dwana Carter, formerly of the 5th ward of New Orleans, and currently in temporary residence in Arlington, VA, was assured of a conviction in her jury case of assault and grand theft.

However, due to a brilliant performance by her Attorney and Pastor, Reverend Doctor J. Armitage, Esq, Dwana was found not guilty on all charges and was released to a cheering family. “That’s right, that’s right,” Carter was heard after the verdict was released, “I TOLD you so!”

Dwana Carter was charged in the November 14th shoplifting theft of hundreds of dollars of merchandise from the TJ Maxx discount department store in midtown Arlington and the subsequent assault and battery of a store clerk who attempted to subdue Carter when she attempted to leave the store without paying for her merchandise.

Despite videotaped evidence and several eyewitnesses who described Carter as fat, bossy and mean, the jury found Carter not guilty.

The Not-Guilty verdict is most likely due to the brilliant legal maneuvering of Carter’s Pastor and personal lawyer, J. Armitage, who employed the “You don’t Know Me” strategy to secure his clients acquittal. To counter the damaging evidence and eyewitness accounts that had staggered his client, Armitage boldly asked his own client, Dwana Carter to take the stand in her own defense.

When Artmitage asked Carter what she had to say to the six eye witnesses that allegedly watched her shoplift and assault the clerk, Carter declared, “They don’t know me! I don’t do shit like that! And you members of the jury- who are you to judge me? You don’t know me! You better check yourselves before you judge me!”

After thirty minutes of deliberations, the jury returned a not-guilty verdict to the court.

After the trial, Dwana Carter was asked if she would return the merchandise that the cameras clearly showed her removing from the premises. Carter replied, “Only if they give me store credit.”